Well, what role does a relationship play in your life? I am pretty sure it's a big part of your life. When a relationship is going good, we naturally tend to be happy, productive and pass a good vibe. Definitely it's not easy keeping the spark alive in a relationship, but when you love someone you're ready to do the work that it takes to keep that spark alive.
We all have one or the other time imagined a love out of the MOVIES!! Who doesn't want that "dil waale dulhaniya lejayenge" or "the notebook" kind of Love in their life. But when we're into a real relationship with you know it's nothing like the movies, you got real life circumstances, work, family to deal with on a daily basis.
Why exactly is the spark not alive anymore?
In a relationship that you've been in for a long time, it's obvious to go through different phases. These phases if handled well makes a relationship go well and keeps the spark alive.
Relationship phases like money issues and responsibilities from your family will divert your attention, but you'll be able to tell when you've truly lost the spark in a relationship by these signs:
There is no physical contact:
Intimacy includes things like holding hands, cuddling, offering warm hugs, and compliments, and all of this is a necessity in a good loving relationship.
You no longer "go out":
You might definitely be staying busy in your day to day life, but finding some time to go out and spending quality time together must be a top priority.
You no longer do the "work":
By work we mean efforts, that's what keeps a relationship going right? It's trouble if you aren't even interested in feeling and looking good for your partner or doing something that would make them happy. It's going to be troublesome when you don't make efforts.
You seem less excited to spend time with each other:
We sometimes tend to spend more time with our friends than with our partner. You might even discover that you are extremely quickly irritated by them, which would make you shout at your partner or avoid them entirely and go silent. All of this might make your relationship weaker with time.
Losing the spark is quite common in a relationship that's been since long or you're married or have kids. Everyone deserves a second chance though. When in Love you'd want to fix all the issues and get back to making some efforts.
Here are some tips to help you build a strong life long relationship and keep the spark alive:
Communication:
I can't stress enough on this, but all of us somewhere inside know communication is the most important part in a relationship. Here's a short blog by UrbanMatch to check out if you want some tips on most important things you need to keep in mind to make your relationship work.
Whether you're good at expressing or bad, you need to find a way to express to your partner what you want, your expectations and how you're feeling about a certain thing.
One person may sometimes show their love with gifts. But the other partner might not be as interested in materialistic things as much as they're in spending time with them. Knowing how your partner expects is crucial for keeping things interesting. Knowing what they enjoy can help you make sure that they feel your love in the methods you choose to express it. They will feel more connected and understood as a result.
Spend some quality time with your partner:
Even when you've been going out with someone for a while or are married to them, you should make an effort to keep going out with them every once in a while- weekly/monthly and allow yourself to experience the open-endedness that reawakens your sense of possibility and freedom. Try to include some of the early flirting behaviors you used to do when you first got together. This may bring back memories of the early times in your relationship and help in bringing back the romance. Being more spontaneous or trying new activities together, will prompt a greater response dose of dopamine and pleasure through their nerves.
All relationships experience ups and downs, but the best approach to strengthen the bond is to express your love by making romantic and meaningful gestures.
Surprise them:
In the early stages of your relationship, you might have surprised your partner with a dirty text or given them those flowers that they always used to love just because you missed them. Surprise your darling with flowers, a card, balloons, or a thoughtful small gift on a day without a special event. Even if you've been dating since long, you actually have that benefit today of knowing them better than you did at first. This would work because it demonstrates to your lover that you are still deeply in love with them.
Intimacy:
Intimacy does not only include sexual activities. It's about all those small moments in between work, drives or eating. The small moments like holding your partners hand while driving, warm hugs, little pecks of kiss on forehead, all of it makes you closer to each other.
It's also crucial to understand that, despite early-on intense passion in a relationship, it's usual for it to wane after a few years (or sooner). In light of this, it is crucial to foster an atmosphere of openness in dialogues regarding desires, wants, pleasure, expectations, and interests.
Personal time and space:
Take some time out for yourself. Your hobbies, interests and personal space brings a sense of confidence in you. What you are is what you bring out in a relationship. Check out this blog for more.
Unplug:
Set aside time to unplug from social media and other types of electronics. Unplug on your vacation, barring any true emergency. When you've decided you need time to discuss and connect, make sure that time spent together between meals at the end of the day is free from interruption and disruption. Stay in the present.
Gratitude:
Being negative with one another rather than concentrating on the good is one of the main reasons that results in couples counselling and ultimately rips partnerships apart.
Spend some time each day telling your spouse something you appreciate about them. Saying "I'm grateful that you picked me up today" is all it takes; it doesn't have to be a big thing. Both of you will greatly benefit from this in terms of mental health, strengthening your relationship, having a positive outlook on things, increased happiness, less stress and more romance.
All of this isn't a big task when you truly love, trust and value someone and want them to be with you as your life long partner. Within no time, you'll both together be able to ignite that spark.
